So. The biggest storm to hit this season hit last night. It was surreal to wake up to sirens blaring and hail pounding and the wind sounding like a jet plane. In a panic and shaking, I throw on shoes and a hoodie and try to remember what to do in case a tornado is actually about to hit our house. We sat downstairs and watched the local weather man pointing to a giant red blotch on his radar. We were on the edge of that red blotch and the hail accumulated, the rain came in buckets and the lightening just wouldn’t stop.

I used to think I wanted to be a storm chaser.

There was no tornado in my part of town. But, the hail took a toll. Leaves were stripped, roofs and gutters were dinged. Cars were mostly okay, I’m thankful for the garage. Thanks to adrenaline, sleep was impossible until about 4 A.M. I was up at 6 A.M., cuz’ I gots to be at work by seven every day.

And when I came home, there was water. Standing. In half my basement.

My battered garden. The poppies were stoned to death. Poor things.

Sigh.

 

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Well, the adjuster has been out to diagnose Jetta. He’s DOA. DNR. GFP. DNF’d. I had some hope the day of the accident because the tow truck guy just started Jetta up and drove him onto the flatbed. But, Jetta was getting older. He had so many good miles left to go. But, I don’t have the cash for the repairs. I feel like a close friend has been taken off life support. And I’m responsible for his death…

He was such a good little car. I get attached to inanimate objects. To me, VW’s all have the same attitude. They’re all adorable, quirky and polite. And they all have German accents. His horn was quiet and almost apologetic. As if to Germanly say,”Excuse me, but vood you mind moving over?” His VR6 was a brilliant exercise in engineering. Compact and responsive, it was prone to consuming coolant and had to be parked on the curb so I could fit underneath for an oil change. But I loved how it revved. He took up me up to the mountains. Across the Arizona desert. To work everyday. Trooped over dirt roads to remote camping spots. Protected me in an accident. He had a sunroof… (sniff)…

If only I had taken better care of him.

Some of my acquaintances have been trying to get me excited about car shopping. But, I don’t want a new car. I want Jetta back.

He was paid off.

I was in a fender-bender today. That mostly likely totaled my poor car. Coming home from work, I’m in a rush to get home, traffic is stop and go and I thought I’d skip the highway and take a different lane. While looking to merge over I didn’t notice that cars in my lane had stopped. Until it was too late.

No one was hurt. Just my pride. Once the realization sank in that my car was probably done for, I started bawling. I had finished making the payments on it last August. I didn’t get to enjoy even a full year of complete ownership. I’m still in mourning. I love that Jetta. I thought we were going to share so many miles together…

Everyone told me I wasn’t in any shape to drive anymore that day.

It doesn’t look that bad. But, something tells me its done for. Its twelve years old and has almost 150,000 miles…

And it was all my fault. You know how the “if only’s” start kicking in. If only I hadn’t been in such a rush. If only I had been more careful. If only I hadn’t ruined everyone’s day. If only I wasn’t such an awful driver…

I was very relieved when Jon came up to take me home.